Trust Starts Here

Trust Starts Here

I recently met with a group of investors who had one nagging thing in common: they no longer trusted anyone to help them invest their money. Their former trusted advisors, in their minds, were not objective enough, didn’t deliver satisfactory service nor understood how to meet their expectations. Their complaints sounded something like “I don’t trust anyone these days”; “I’m not crazy about the guy I’m working with but I don’t think I’m going to find anyone different—they all have their own biases and act on them”; “I’m keeping my money in cash and at least I’m sleeping at night. Of course, it is a hassle having multiple bank accounts to manage”.

This scenario is quite common as I’ve heard on the news and read in surveys. Bottom line is that we don’t trust our institutions whom we’ve entrusted with our financial well-being—our government, our banks, our money managers and our employers.

We’d all agree it’s not healthy to be fearful of our security and well-being, but that’s where the agreement and clarity ends. When we have to figure out how to change the situation, we tend to ignore any meaningful personal feedback of what led us into the current situation—greed, unrealistic expectations, irrational exuberance for starters. In addition, most lamenters share in a passive approach to mastering their own financial and personal affairs.

If I’ve learned anything about the psychology of money management all of these years, I’ve learned that greater self-trust is projected unconsciously onto others and leads to greater trust of others. We know that we’ll do everything in our power to act in our own best self-interest, control what we can and then do our best with what we can’t. So, it’s clear we need greater trust in our own capabilities and efforts to protect ourselves and act in our best interest. We have to spend the time and do our own work—whatever it takes to bring back a greater sense of certainty and control. If I don’t trust myself because of mistakes I’ve made then I can’t really trust others. I have to see and own part of the responsibility.

So we talked about this concept in the group and waded through a lot of resistance to really perceiving the role that each one of us played. I must say we all left feeling more empowered and motivated to push ahead. Sometimes it takes making peace with a dreaded situation and finding a way to deal and cope as best we can.

Money Personalities: Bliss or Bickering?

Money permeates every relationship in life and acts as a powerful force in enhancing similarities and reinforcing differences. In my research and work with couples over the years and helping them in their money management challenges, I found it fascinating that the most compatible couples shared similar money personality traits and values , http://www.kathleengurney.com. The old adage, "opposites attract", just didn't hold true among the couples that seemed to use money well together. The opposites I did see in money personalities came to see me because money became the symptom of emotional differences and discord and the scapegoat for all that was going wrong.

So, today when I read the article, "In Spending Matters, Opposites' Attraction Fuels Conflict" in the International Herald Tribune,http://global.nytimes.com/?iht, I wasn't surprised to find that researchers had found that people who were described as "spendthrifts" and "tightwads" tended to marry. These "dichotomized duos" reported more unhappy marriages than people with more similar attitudes toward spending. These "financially polar pairs" reported greater conflict over money and lower levels of marital bliss.

This makes sense to me because the spending/saving trait is the most obvious to see in action with couples. The tugging and control over the purse strings becomes obvious with all purchase decisions. Money becomes the symbol of differing opinions and values with a compromise hard to reach considering how far apart the saver and spender are on this trait.

In consulting with opposite money personalities like the Achievers (savers and accumulators of wealth) and the Hunters (emotional spenders), their conflicts were obvious. Achievers get turned on by watching their money accumulate while the Hunters' greatest joy is a great shopping treasure hunt.

You would think that this obvious difference in money personalities would be a warning signal in considering marriage and managing money together. Unfortunately, couples plunge ahead not wanting to make such affairs of the wallet a priority.

There is hope if couples are willing to do the hard work to reach compromise and compatibility. If they're willing to explore each other's perspective and reach the most suitable solution that satisfies both partner's needs without jeopardizing security, then whatever differences they have can be managed for mutual satisfaction.

Preparing for Retirement by Doing and Feeling

I read an article in the N.Y. Times, A Boot Camp to Prepare for Retirement; http://www.nytimes.com/2009/07/25/your-money/25money.html?_r=1&emc=eta1">and I was impressed by what two financial planners had developed. They created a simulation for their clients and allowed them to experience how they were feeling about a new phase of life. In many ways, I would imagine participants have a new understanding of what’s so intimidating and often depressing about the “R” word as many of my clients refer to retirement.

About 8 years ago, I was thinking along the same lines and had proposed a similar program to the local university. I was just moving to Sarasota and thought it would be a great venue for participants and a way for Sarasota to show off what a wonderful city this is for retirement by inviting pre-retirees for several weekends during the year to go through a weekend workshop.

Timing was not in my favor so the program was not accepted by the university but it’s been in the back of my mind ever since as a highly worthwhile endeavor; abbreviated versions have worked well so a longer process would be even more beneficial.

When I read about Tillotson and Kennefick, I was absolutely delighted; someone had actually developed such a program. Brava.

We don’t have many opportunities to reinvent ourselves and I have seen too many people misjudge, miscalculate and misrepresent their retirement plans. Being able to live out the “what-if’s” is a wonderful opportunity to get it right saving valuable time and resources.

Being A Wise Financial Consumer

Knowing your money personality—how you think and feel about your money; your habits, true values and priorities--is essential to being successful in money management. Yet, so many people are unaware that financial success begins and ends with their actions and responsibilities.

Financial Success Is Up to You

Whether you are attempting to develop a workable financial plan, a suitable investment strategy, or a relationship with a trusted advisor, your success begins and ends with you and the actions you take. Too many people leave themselves and their unique needs and wants out of the process for predicting success.

If It Works with Health, It Will Work with Wealth

We wouldn’t dare go to the doctors and be uninformed about our bodies. We’d be able to discuss exactly how we felt and what we needed from the doctor. We’ve learned to be “assertive and active patients”. Unfortunately, we have not done the same for our financial lives and well-being.

We’ve learned that we must be in control of the services and benefits that we receive to assure that we remain healthy. If we don’t take control, we become victims of the medical system.

It’s really no different in the financial arena and system.. We will either learn how to master the system or be victimized by it. It’s up to us to become better clients by knowing more about ourselves and what questions to ask and what is reasonable and realistic to expect from financial advisers and institutions. For too long, we have turned over money management to others to determine what’s right. We can still turn over the money management but it must be with knowledge, confidence and trust.

Become Your Greatest Financial Asset

Knowing more about ourselves—our financial personalities, needs for comfort and security, and priorities-- is imperative in becoming our greatest financial asset.