REGAINING CONTROL OF YOUR MONEY

Three years ago, Jim and Laurie were on top of the world, rich in money and spirit. They had done well in the stock market with their 401k plan. They were so confident in their future that they decided it was time to plan for retirement.

They had been researching second homes in the Southeast, and settled on the west coast of Florida—a good value for a waterfront condo. They stretched themselves and spent more than their budget allowed. As a result, they had to refinance their principal residence and take much of the profit that had accumulated. They put more money down on their new vacation home so the monthly payments would be affordable with their current monthly cash flow.

Like so many other couples, they never dreamed the market would plummet and that they would experience the “Great Recession”. They never dreamed they would lose 60% of the wealth they had accumulated for retirement. Moreover, Jim never dreamed that his job would be eliminated—yet Laurie and Jim were indeed hit with this double whammy of financial challenges.

When I met him, Jim had found another job. However, his salary was two-thirds of his former salary and he had the same level of responsibility. He worked long hours, seven days a week.

Jim and Laurie are similar to other American couples who had to digest and adapt to significant losses—both financial and emotional—that they weren’t anticipating. They could no longer afford the lifestyles they were living.

They were faced with the very scary pressures of meeting monthly payments that they no longer could afford. They thought they might lose their home. They were also starting to borrow money on their credit cards and unable for the very first time to pay off their monthly balances. Throughout 18 years of marriage, they had always made a point of paying off monthly balances.

When I met Jim and Laurie earlier this year, they were living with a great deal of financial and emotional stress. Laurie was feeling the effects physically. Jim was just trying to make it through day-to-day with his heavy work schedule; but he, too, was feeling the effects in not sleeping well and not getting any exercise.

Jim and Laurie had options they hadn’t explored. For example, they hadn’t thought of renting their condo, which had the potential of being a great vacation rental. They also hadn’t thought of meeting with their bank and other creditors and asking them to modify their monthly payments so they better reflected their current monthly income..

Although Laurie was initially upset at the thought of strangers living in her home, she quickly adapted to the idea when she learned how much rent their beautiful condo would provide—it would practically pay for itself with just the high-season rent. They would use it themselves, off season, when they could afford to get away. They wouldn’t have to give it up at all.

Jim and Laurie were fortunate in having the focus and persistence to make their new circumstances pay off for them. They took a realistic look at their circumstances, reached out for help, and then applied themselves in achieving the goals that mattered most. Their open and flexible mindsets empowered them to regain control of their money and their lives.

Subconscious Savings: Put Savings on Autopilot and Avoid Will Power Decisions

American values appear to be changing from conspicuous consumption to more responsible savings and spending, but we’re all wondering whether this behavior shift will really be an enduring change in our values and behavior over time. Will we continue to save when we feel the tough times have subsided and we’re somewhat back to a normal economic life as we define it?

We’re hoping that we will be able to develop and maintain a healthy savings habit and make better use of our money. But obviously spending habits are a challenge to change. According to the latest survey data (August 2009), it appears that Americans are starting to spend again.

Over the last two decades, I’ve discovered that financial habits and behavior are subconsciously motivated and a result of how we think and feel about money. To make any significant impact in changing old habits and acquiring new financial behavior, we have to focus on our attitudes and feelings about our money as well as how we behave. Attitudes drive behavior and behavior drives attitudes. There’s a reciprocal relationship between the two which enables us to change and maintain that change so we can achieve our goals and realize our dreams.

This was a key part of my message that I delivered last week as I toured five cities: New Orleans, Baton Rouge, Houston, Dallas and New York with Capital One Bank who recruited me to educate consumers in how to develop healthy savings habits. It was also my goal to give people an understanding of how to start to save effortlessly and then maintain the savings over time.

Capital One is interested in consumers being able to use tools like their new offering, SmartCents Checking, which is available at Capital One Bank retail locations. The free personal checking account transfers 50 cents from the customer’s checking account to a linked savings account for every eligible online bill pay or debit card purchase. Capital One will match 100% of all eligible customer transfers for the first three months, and 5% thereafter. It seems to be an excellent tool to automate savings and help remove any will power decisions that might sabotage best intentions of saving on a consistent basis.

So, it was my goal in speaking with groups of consumers at each of five Capital One Bank locations to emphasize the importance of understanding how to use our personal financial traits to our greatest advantage and avoid powerful and unconscious emotional triggers which can sabotage our best intentions to change. We all know what happens to our New Year’s resolutions—our best intentions are defeated by our powerful, unconscious and ingrained mind-set or personality pitfalls that trip us up.

We all agree that we don’t want our money to serve our emotions which may not be in our best interest. Today more than ever we have to use this opportunity of the “Great Recession” to focus on what it takes to become more financially secure. As a result, we’ll become more confident and make more rational vs. emotional decisions that will ultimately bring us greater joy and less regret.

In my conversations with some of the people I met last week, it was obvious that they don’t lack the desire to improve their financial situation; they feel they lack the understanding of how to make more suitable decisions for themselves. They whole-heartedly accepted the fact that their attitudes and feelings about money make an impact on their financial situation and they were motivated to learn more about making the best use of their money personality. Couples were particularly interested in how they could use their perceived differences in personality so they could manage their money more harmoniously. All were eager to read my book, “Your Money Personality: What It Is and How You Can Profit from It” which Capital One Bank gave away. Many went a step further and expressed a desire to discover their money personalities by taking the Moneymax® questionnaire online so they could receive a personalized report of their trait scores and how to optimize them.

I was convinced, as I usually am in my conversations with people, that we lack personal education more than personal motivation in making the best use of our money. If you are interested in learning more about your individial money personality and how to profit from it, follow the link: www.kathleengurney.com/fpconsumer/index.asp.

Remember your money personality makes an impact on how you use your money and the satisfaction you reap from it. To make any positive impact, you have to focus on your attitudes and feelings about your money as well as how you behave.

Women, Wealth and Charitable Giving: Personality, Demographics or A Bit of Both?

Robert Frank recently wrote about the charitable giving of women vs. men in his blog, Wealth Report, http://blogs.wsj.com/wealth/?s=women+charitable+giving&x=39&y=6

He reported the findings of a new survey by Barclay’s: Wealthy women give away nearly twice as much as of their wealth as their male counterparts. The survey of 500 people with investible assets of $1 million or more found that men give an average of 1.8% while women give an average of 3.5% of their wealth to charity.

And it isn’t just a U.S. phenomenon. In the U.K., women give an average of 0.8%, compared with 0.5% for men, the survey shows.

“Yes, the finding confirms stereotypes. But it also has big implications for the future of philanthropy,” states Frank. The study also highlights how the charitable decisions are made with women looking for input and collaboration and men often making decisions on their own. According to Frank, “wealthy women donors, therefore, will be more likely to work in partnership with charities, rather than dictating terms. That is in stark contrast to the “My-way-or-highway” tendencies of venture philanthropy.”

“The future of philanthropy may ultimately lie in understanding how men and women might work in partnership,” says Matthew Brady, Managing Director, Barclay’s Wealth in the Americas. “It’s going to be much more collaborative.”

It’s been my experience that women are motivated by affiliation and desire input and collaboration. Even if they have earned their own money, they are motivated to establish and nurture relationships with their money. They still look for input, others’ needs for the money and terms vs. dictating all of the terms and conditions. It’s just their tendency to have a stronger need for affiliation than for power.

Money Personalities: Bliss or Bickering?

Money permeates every relationship in life and acts as a powerful force in enhancing similarities and reinforcing differences. In my research and work with couples over the years and helping them in their money management challenges, I found it fascinating that the most compatible couples shared similar money personality traits and values , http://www.kathleengurney.com. The old adage, "opposites attract", just didn't hold true among the couples that seemed to use money well together. The opposites I did see in money personalities came to see me because money became the symptom of emotional differences and discord and the scapegoat for all that was going wrong.

So, today when I read the article, "In Spending Matters, Opposites' Attraction Fuels Conflict" in the International Herald Tribune,http://global.nytimes.com/?iht, I wasn't surprised to find that researchers had found that people who were described as "spendthrifts" and "tightwads" tended to marry. These "dichotomized duos" reported more unhappy marriages than people with more similar attitudes toward spending. These "financially polar pairs" reported greater conflict over money and lower levels of marital bliss.

This makes sense to me because the spending/saving trait is the most obvious to see in action with couples. The tugging and control over the purse strings becomes obvious with all purchase decisions. Money becomes the symbol of differing opinions and values with a compromise hard to reach considering how far apart the saver and spender are on this trait.

In consulting with opposite money personalities like the Achievers (savers and accumulators of wealth) and the Hunters (emotional spenders), their conflicts were obvious. Achievers get turned on by watching their money accumulate while the Hunters' greatest joy is a great shopping treasure hunt.

You would think that this obvious difference in money personalities would be a warning signal in considering marriage and managing money together. Unfortunately, couples plunge ahead not wanting to make such affairs of the wallet a priority.

There is hope if couples are willing to do the hard work to reach compromise and compatibility. If they're willing to explore each other's perspective and reach the most suitable solution that satisfies both partner's needs without jeopardizing security, then whatever differences they have can be managed for mutual satisfaction.

Psychology of Money: Where Money Meets The Mind

Have you ever wondered why money seems to work so well in some people’s lives and so destructively in others? Why some people control money while others allow it to control them? Or why some of us can manage it so effortlessly to fulfill life’s plans and goals, while others never stop to question how they want it to serve them?

Questions like these are not typically explored. Why not? I believe it’s because the answers do not lie in cold financial facts. One must look at both the financial and psychological factors involved in money matters to make sense of why people do what they do with money. This blog, as well as others on this site, attempts to do just that.

For most of us, money and our feelings toward it tend to veer to extremes. We love money or we hate it, we fear it or we worship it—but we certainly never ignore it. And yet, we know so little about why we experience these emotions toward money and the effects they have on our very existence.

As a psychologist specializing in money-related issues, I confront these money emotions every day. I have worked with hundreds of men and women from all backgrounds and income levels: company presidents who make million dollar-decisions in the board room but make disastrous personal financial decisions; couples who never cease arguing over “my”, “your”, and “our” money; parents who know better but spoil and indulge their children, never giving them a chance to enjoy the connection between effort and reward.

I’ve learned that most of us fail to realize how our feelings about money affect our financial habits and the degree of satisfaction we get from the money we have. There is an inseparable link between our unconscious attitudes about money and the way we relate to money in our lives. Like it or not, money can enhance happiness and prosperity, or it can destroy them. No one simply drifts to the pinnacle of success—you have to climb.

Not only do we have a physical self, an emotional self and a social self, but we have a financial, or money self. This money self influences the way we interact with our money. You have a healthy money self-concept when you know how you affect money and how money affects you. You have a healthy money self-concept when you like how you deal with money more than you dislike how you deal with money. If you have a negative money self-concept, you can alter your attitudes and formulate a new money style that provides richness instead of deprivation.

Ultimately, money success comes from self-validation: as you think about money and yourself, so you become.