Trust Starts Here
I recently met with a group of investors who had one nagging thing in common: they no longer trusted anyone to help them invest their money. Their former trusted advisors, in their minds, were not objective enough, didn’t deliver satisfactory service nor understood how to meet their expectations. Their complaints sounded something like “I don’t trust anyone these days”; “I’m not crazy about the guy I’m working with but I don’t think I’m going to find anyone different—they all have their own biases and act on them”; “I’m keeping my money in cash and at least I’m sleeping at night. Of course, it is a hassle having multiple bank accounts to manage”.
This scenario is quite common as I’ve heard on the news and read in surveys. Bottom line is that we don’t trust our institutions whom we’ve entrusted with our financial well-being—our government, our banks, our money managers and our employers.
We’d all agree it’s not healthy to be fearful of our security and well-being, but that’s where the agreement and clarity ends. When we have to figure out how to change the situation, we tend to ignore any meaningful personal feedback of what led us into the current situation—greed, unrealistic expectations, irrational exuberance for starters. In addition, most lamenters share in a passive approach to mastering their own financial and personal affairs.
If I’ve learned anything about the psychology of money management all of these years, I’ve learned that greater self-trust is projected unconsciously onto others and leads to greater trust of others. We know that we’ll do everything in our power to act in our own best self-interest, control what we can and then do our best with what we can’t. So, it’s clear we need greater trust in our own capabilities and efforts to protect ourselves and act in our best interest. We have to spend the time and do our own work—whatever it takes to bring back a greater sense of certainty and control. If I don’t trust myself because of mistakes I’ve made then I can’t really trust others. I have to see and own part of the responsibility.
So we talked about this concept in the group and waded through a lot of resistance to really perceiving the role that each one of us played. I must say we all left feeling more empowered and motivated to push ahead. Sometimes it takes making peace with a dreaded situation and finding a way to deal and cope as best we can.
Showing posts with label psychology. Show all posts
Showing posts with label psychology. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 03, 2010
Wednesday, December 02, 2009
REGAINING CONTROL OF YOUR MONEY
Three years ago, Jim and Laurie were on top of the world, rich in money and spirit. They had done well in the stock market with their 401k plan. They were so confident in their future that they decided it was time to plan for retirement.
They had been researching second homes in the Southeast, and settled on the west coast of Florida—a good value for a waterfront condo. They stretched themselves and spent more than their budget allowed. As a result, they had to refinance their principal residence and take much of the profit that had accumulated. They put more money down on their new vacation home so the monthly payments would be affordable with their current monthly cash flow.
Like so many other couples, they never dreamed the market would plummet and that they would experience the “Great Recession”. They never dreamed they would lose 60% of the wealth they had accumulated for retirement. Moreover, Jim never dreamed that his job would be eliminated—yet Laurie and Jim were indeed hit with this double whammy of financial challenges.
When I met him, Jim had found another job. However, his salary was two-thirds of his former salary and he had the same level of responsibility. He worked long hours, seven days a week.
Jim and Laurie are similar to other American couples who had to digest and adapt to significant losses—both financial and emotional—that they weren’t anticipating. They could no longer afford the lifestyles they were living.
They were faced with the very scary pressures of meeting monthly payments that they no longer could afford. They thought they might lose their home. They were also starting to borrow money on their credit cards and unable for the very first time to pay off their monthly balances. Throughout 18 years of marriage, they had always made a point of paying off monthly balances.
When I met Jim and Laurie earlier this year, they were living with a great deal of financial and emotional stress. Laurie was feeling the effects physically. Jim was just trying to make it through day-to-day with his heavy work schedule; but he, too, was feeling the effects in not sleeping well and not getting any exercise.
Jim and Laurie had options they hadn’t explored. For example, they hadn’t thought of renting their condo, which had the potential of being a great vacation rental. They also hadn’t thought of meeting with their bank and other creditors and asking them to modify their monthly payments so they better reflected their current monthly income..
Although Laurie was initially upset at the thought of strangers living in her home, she quickly adapted to the idea when she learned how much rent their beautiful condo would provide—it would practically pay for itself with just the high-season rent. They would use it themselves, off season, when they could afford to get away. They wouldn’t have to give it up at all.
Jim and Laurie were fortunate in having the focus and persistence to make their new circumstances pay off for them. They took a realistic look at their circumstances, reached out for help, and then applied themselves in achieving the goals that mattered most. Their open and flexible mindsets empowered them to regain control of their money and their lives.
They had been researching second homes in the Southeast, and settled on the west coast of Florida—a good value for a waterfront condo. They stretched themselves and spent more than their budget allowed. As a result, they had to refinance their principal residence and take much of the profit that had accumulated. They put more money down on their new vacation home so the monthly payments would be affordable with their current monthly cash flow.
Like so many other couples, they never dreamed the market would plummet and that they would experience the “Great Recession”. They never dreamed they would lose 60% of the wealth they had accumulated for retirement. Moreover, Jim never dreamed that his job would be eliminated—yet Laurie and Jim were indeed hit with this double whammy of financial challenges.
When I met him, Jim had found another job. However, his salary was two-thirds of his former salary and he had the same level of responsibility. He worked long hours, seven days a week.
Jim and Laurie are similar to other American couples who had to digest and adapt to significant losses—both financial and emotional—that they weren’t anticipating. They could no longer afford the lifestyles they were living.
They were faced with the very scary pressures of meeting monthly payments that they no longer could afford. They thought they might lose their home. They were also starting to borrow money on their credit cards and unable for the very first time to pay off their monthly balances. Throughout 18 years of marriage, they had always made a point of paying off monthly balances.
When I met Jim and Laurie earlier this year, they were living with a great deal of financial and emotional stress. Laurie was feeling the effects physically. Jim was just trying to make it through day-to-day with his heavy work schedule; but he, too, was feeling the effects in not sleeping well and not getting any exercise.
Jim and Laurie had options they hadn’t explored. For example, they hadn’t thought of renting their condo, which had the potential of being a great vacation rental. They also hadn’t thought of meeting with their bank and other creditors and asking them to modify their monthly payments so they better reflected their current monthly income..
Although Laurie was initially upset at the thought of strangers living in her home, she quickly adapted to the idea when she learned how much rent their beautiful condo would provide—it would practically pay for itself with just the high-season rent. They would use it themselves, off season, when they could afford to get away. They wouldn’t have to give it up at all.
Jim and Laurie were fortunate in having the focus and persistence to make their new circumstances pay off for them. They took a realistic look at their circumstances, reached out for help, and then applied themselves in achieving the goals that mattered most. Their open and flexible mindsets empowered them to regain control of their money and their lives.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Psychology of Money: Where Money Meets The Mind
Have you ever wondered why money seems to work so well in some people’s lives and so destructively in others? Why some people control money while others allow it to control them? Or why some of us can manage it so effortlessly to fulfill life’s plans and goals, while others never stop to question how they want it to serve them?
Questions like these are not typically explored. Why not? I believe it’s because the answers do not lie in cold financial facts. One must look at both the financial and psychological factors involved in money matters to make sense of why people do what they do with money. This blog, as well as others on this site, attempts to do just that.
For most of us, money and our feelings toward it tend to veer to extremes. We love money or we hate it, we fear it or we worship it—but we certainly never ignore it. And yet, we know so little about why we experience these emotions toward money and the effects they have on our very existence.
As a psychologist specializing in money-related issues, I confront these money emotions every day. I have worked with hundreds of men and women from all backgrounds and income levels: company presidents who make million dollar-decisions in the board room but make disastrous personal financial decisions; couples who never cease arguing over “my”, “your”, and “our” money; parents who know better but spoil and indulge their children, never giving them a chance to enjoy the connection between effort and reward.
I’ve learned that most of us fail to realize how our feelings about money affect our financial habits and the degree of satisfaction we get from the money we have. There is an inseparable link between our unconscious attitudes about money and the way we relate to money in our lives. Like it or not, money can enhance happiness and prosperity, or it can destroy them. No one simply drifts to the pinnacle of success—you have to climb.
Not only do we have a physical self, an emotional self and a social self, but we have a financial, or money self. This money self influences the way we interact with our money. You have a healthy money self-concept when you know how you affect money and how money affects you. You have a healthy money self-concept when you like how you deal with money more than you dislike how you deal with money. If you have a negative money self-concept, you can alter your attitudes and formulate a new money style that provides richness instead of deprivation.
Ultimately, money success comes from self-validation: as you think about money and yourself, so you become.
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